I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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