Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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