I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
