You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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