Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
