I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
