there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
