ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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