I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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