Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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