She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
