someone get that fucking seahorse.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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