he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
