Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.

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(209): View more from California

kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."

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(509): View more from Washington

Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much

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(318): View more from Louisiana

At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.

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(417): View more from Missouri

Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes

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