I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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