I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
