Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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