Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Green mimosas i think yes
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
