I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
