there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
