Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
