Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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