she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
