Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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