Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
