Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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