i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
