how can u be prego again
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
