Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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