I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I would ride that face into the sunset
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
