she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
