shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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