The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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