She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
