Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
