well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
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She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
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I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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