You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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