Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
