I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
