Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
