you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
