You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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