you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
