I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
