I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize