mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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