I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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