I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
