He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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