So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
