my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
