take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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