wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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