she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize