At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
