don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
