Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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