batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
