i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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