I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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