I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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