Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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