come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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