Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
it wasn't lemon gatorade
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
