I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
