Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
