I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
