dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
