i think i have herpe
just one?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
