Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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