we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
