6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
