No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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